The Rings....

So, I had made these rings...kind of rough around the edges...but beautiful, rugged and earthy...kind of like myself.....for my wedding with my Son's father. They were silver with a band of copper soldered to the outside of the silver band. I had hammered the copper to look like the birch trees around our property here in Fairbanks, Alaska.

There were some things about these rings that did not sit well with me. The first thing that bothered me about the rings was the fact that they were not closed. I had cut them a bit too short. The other problem was that my ring, in particular, had major difficulty with putting the two metals together. It seemed no matter how much solder I put on it the more the copper peeled away from the silver. My friend who is the metalsmith that helped me with making these rings...told me to bring them with me to Bisbee when my son and I came down for a visit. She had an idea for fixing it. So, I flew 4,000 miles to see my friends and to repair this ring I had yet to wear. We ended up drilling holes into each end and then closed the metals together by hammering a small brass tube into place....

now on to the metaphorical stuff...

For the last 5 years I have been in this particular relationship I have tried so hard to keep things together...going out of my way...to the point that I started drilling holes into my heart. The relationship never has come full circle with commitment from either of us...other than the commitment to raise our son. It's so mysterious how life presents us with what is happening to us and within us in and we often don't see it or take notice of it till things get to a point where it is painfully unavoidable.

Two weeks ago, we went to the Tanana River....to a spot where we have often taken his kids to throw rocks in the river and hang out. We said a prayer asking Spirit to purge the past negativity by symbolically taking away those rings so that we can forge ahead in full trust that all will be as it is meant to be....healthy and whole. Then we pitched them into the river to wash them and the past away. It felt so good to let them go. I have learned so much about myself and my past in this relationship....what needs so desperately to be healed and let go of. It has been challenging and often times heartbreaking...but, I am so thankful for it all. It is kind of like birth...or in this case rebirth...as I birth myself in to being...experiencing that ecstatic pain...trusting that all will be perfect as long as I have faith.